This is yet another subject on which I have opinions, although I have never been a caretaker myself except for our old dogs, Dante and Cisco. Of course, under normal circumstances, we are expected to care for ourselves in addition to those who may need us. But in the critical situations when those whom we love and depend on us are in dire straits for a long period of time, how is caring for oneself viewed?
I believe the first time I thought about this was when I returned home to Romania some 11 years ago. We were expecting my mom to come visit us when I got the news that she was not well. I left a couple of days later and as I was making plans for departure, I told Bryan that I was not sure when I was going to be able to return. My mom had become a very difficult person as she got older and I knew for sure that if she could not live by herself any longer, I was going to have to stay with her as long as I was needed because nobody would have agreed to care for her. Unfortunately, she passed away a couple days after my arrival home. To this day I am not sure what happened to her, because her behavior during those days has been erratic and beyond my comprehension. But I got a first inkling into what it meant to have to completely change my priorities due to such a situation.
A few years later, I read an article in the Best Friends magazine about folks who get themselves in a bind due to their devotion to too many adopted animals, people who end up running themselves into the ground because what was required of them went beyond their physical capacity, as well as due to the severe emotional drain. Since then, I’ve had some friends who had to be dedicated caretakers for long periods to time to sick or older close relatives, who for one reason or another had no relief from their duties, which they performed lovingly and with much devotion.
But what struck me in almost all those situations was to see that these caretakers felt selfish or derelict in their duties if at any point, they took some time for themselves, that they felt terrible if they carved a bit of time to pamper themselves, and in particular, if they did something that brought them happiness.
I am sure there are many opinions on this subject and that I might upset some of you with my point of view, but the way I see it, there is no diminishing value in a duty willingly performed if those performing it also took care of their own bodies, minds, and hearts. That they recharged their own emotional batteries and made sure that their bodies were fit to handle the challenge. I do not see someone’s happiness as being in conflict with a loved one’s sadness or sickness. But most importantly, I believe that all of us become better caretakers and are capable of offering more support if we are residing in a body that is strong, healthy, and happy. So as caretakers, I perceive taking care of ourselves being just as critical as caring for others.
Anyway, as I said, I do not have much personal experience in this arena and if I did, I may change this opinion. But as of today, if I were on the receiving side of care, I know I would want to be surrounded not only by devotion and duty, but also by happiness and wholesomeness.
Onward,
Cristina
I believe the first time I thought about this was when I returned home to Romania some 11 years ago. We were expecting my mom to come visit us when I got the news that she was not well. I left a couple of days later and as I was making plans for departure, I told Bryan that I was not sure when I was going to be able to return. My mom had become a very difficult person as she got older and I knew for sure that if she could not live by herself any longer, I was going to have to stay with her as long as I was needed because nobody would have agreed to care for her. Unfortunately, she passed away a couple days after my arrival home. To this day I am not sure what happened to her, because her behavior during those days has been erratic and beyond my comprehension. But I got a first inkling into what it meant to have to completely change my priorities due to such a situation.
A few years later, I read an article in the Best Friends magazine about folks who get themselves in a bind due to their devotion to too many adopted animals, people who end up running themselves into the ground because what was required of them went beyond their physical capacity, as well as due to the severe emotional drain. Since then, I’ve had some friends who had to be dedicated caretakers for long periods to time to sick or older close relatives, who for one reason or another had no relief from their duties, which they performed lovingly and with much devotion.
But what struck me in almost all those situations was to see that these caretakers felt selfish or derelict in their duties if at any point, they took some time for themselves, that they felt terrible if they carved a bit of time to pamper themselves, and in particular, if they did something that brought them happiness.
I am sure there are many opinions on this subject and that I might upset some of you with my point of view, but the way I see it, there is no diminishing value in a duty willingly performed if those performing it also took care of their own bodies, minds, and hearts. That they recharged their own emotional batteries and made sure that their bodies were fit to handle the challenge. I do not see someone’s happiness as being in conflict with a loved one’s sadness or sickness. But most importantly, I believe that all of us become better caretakers and are capable of offering more support if we are residing in a body that is strong, healthy, and happy. So as caretakers, I perceive taking care of ourselves being just as critical as caring for others.
Anyway, as I said, I do not have much personal experience in this arena and if I did, I may change this opinion. But as of today, if I were on the receiving side of care, I know I would want to be surrounded not only by devotion and duty, but also by happiness and wholesomeness.
Onward,
Cristina